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Caring for aging parents -Grief, relief and comfort – Part I
By admin | April 11, 2010
Caring for aging parents –Grief, relief and comfortGrieving can start well before a parent dies if you’re caring for aging parents. You may find yourself grieving a mother losing her reason to dementia or mourning the relationship you had with a once-vital dad. Whether you’re still caring for an aging parent or your dependent parents have already passed away, it’s important to recognize what grief looks like and how to incorporate strategies to help you through the process. Although there are different grief models, many experts say the grieving process generally has 5 stages.1. Denial – This is the muscle that gets a person through the initial loss. If you’ve been struggling with elder care solutions as you’ve been caring for an aging parent or have just lost dependent parents, you might find yourself saying things like, “This makes no sense!” or “This can’t be my life!” During denial, it’s common for caregivers to go numb. In fact, other family and friends might view the children of aging parents as being cold or detached. 2. Anger – This stage, a necessary part of the grieving process, is the surfacing of deep emotions, including feelings of desertion and abandonment. Caregivers might be angry that they couldn’t do more to help the ailing parent or they could be angry at a sibling who wasn’t around. As a caregiver for the elderly, you might feel anger that the last 5 years of your life were consumed with caring for aging parents. This is especially true if you had a difficult time finding the right elder care solutions. These feelings are normal, and nothing to be ashamed of. 3. Bargaining – After a loved one has passed away, those caring for an aging parent might find themselves bargaining with a higher power. Those who’ve just spent years struggling through elder care solutions may find themselves saying, “If I get my act together, will you bring Dad back?” 4. Depression – During this stage, those who’d been charged with elder care solutions might still feel sadness or anger, but the emotions become buried under a feeling of numbness. This stage is not a symptom of mental illness; rather it’s a symptom of the realization that an elderly parent isn’t getting any better or has already passed away. 5. Acceptance – Although this is the final stage of the grieving process, it is not the “everything is hunky-dory” stage. Rather it’s a time to accept the new reality. Those who have been caring for an aging parent might still have sadness or anger, but the emotions might not be as raw as they were. While these stages are well-known, caregivers might also experience another emotion: relief. Whether it’s the peace of knowing Dad is no longer suffering or the relief that a certain level of freedom is coming back into your life, recognize that it is a completely natural emotion if you’ve been caring for an aging parent and struggled with elder care solutions over a long period.
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